Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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