Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize