Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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