Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize