The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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