just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
