I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
