I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
