Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
this is an emotional support booty call
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
