If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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