I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
