so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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