craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
