ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
