I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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