she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
