Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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