i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
