i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
