I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
