"it" just moved
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
