see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
