idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
