sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
