Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize