Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
