She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
