the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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