i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize