So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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