we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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