How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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