i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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