is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
