My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
