she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
