Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
