i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
