We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
