that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Floor bacon is actually really good
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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