I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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