dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
