I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
