girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize