Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
