So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
