Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My hand turned me down
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
