My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
