Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
