the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize