Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
