I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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