I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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