Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize