Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
