guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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