The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
