Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize