I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize