I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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