there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
