I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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