Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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