Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize