If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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