I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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