yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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