my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
