just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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